Haystack

 Haystack

It was a gloomy day in July, the wind was whistling. The Green family was busy doing their usual chores.

‘What happened to the lotto?” inquisitively said Jessica, shovelling the horse’s dung as her luscious strawberry blonde locks whirled in the gusty wind. Mrs Green sighed she knew she had to tell the truth.

“Well, I won it” Mrs Green muttered sadly, looking at tanned skin.

Mrs Green thought back to last week. She was busy feeding the horses hay. Strong gusts of wind pushed their way into the stable through the 90-year-old rusty wooden roof. Moving bits of hay. After that Mrs Green remembered that she had hung her brown bag, which contained the ticket on the crumbly brick wall. Behind the goats. It must have fallen out because of the wind or Billy could ate it she thought. Billy was a white goat with speckles of black and brown. She remembered droplets of water coming off the leaky roof. It was time to go back home. Mrs Green walked past the ivy-covered barn to go home.

As she takes the treacherous trek back home the water droplets drench her already muddy clothes.

By the time she enters home,  rain viscously beats the roof. Soon after getting changed and having dinner Mrs Green sits on a leather couch watching who won the lotto. Number 15  you win 10 million. Mrs Green looked at the journal where she had written her lotto details instead of her ticket as it was upstairs. Mrs Green thought this day would never come. Mrs Green climbed the oak stairs into her bedroom.

Beep! It was late dawn. The rooster was wide awake. Mrs Green made herself a coffee, peeped in into her bag to see if the ticket was there. She felt a shock of lightning in her body. Mrs Green thought to herself I definitely put it there. She bolted through the door, past the chicken coop into the horse’s stable. She searched and searched but there was no sign of the ticket. Dishearten Mrs Green made her way to the chicken coop.

“Mum,” Jessica called out. Jessica’s pale skin blushing. Mrs Green looked back in amazement, the ticket was carefully tucked in the haystack.” Can’t believe you found it,” Mrs Green muttered while hugging Jessica. 

“Where is my hat?” yelled Jessica,” Billy”.

Have I:	Yes/No
Written an introduction with an interesting hook?	Yes
Described the setting and characters?	Yes
Included a variety of details like thoughts, feelings and the five senses?	Yes - some
Used a variety of words to link events?	Yes
Written a resolution with an impactful closing?	Yes
Used paragraphs	Yes
Used interesting and powerful vocabulary?	Yes
Corrected most spelling, punctuation and grammar?	Yes
Two things I did well were…
Two things I did well was describing the characters and using a range of different punctuation.
Something I can improve is…
I need to improve on using more linking words.